Jan writes:

“I live with a 20-Year-old in a Two-WG. She just moved out with their parents, so no rent experience. I’m 28 and am doing my second Master in a new city and have already used earlier in the WGs.

We’ll be together for a few weeks and yet I always have the feeling to have to me in my room to hide. Because whenever we talk, it boils down to is that I’m doing something wrong. I even have the feeling that it just starts a conversation with me, to tell me what I did wrong again.

We are simply not sympathetic and not know what we should talk. As we were laying in the hallway, I asked her if we should make a cleaning schedule. You said it would be necessary, we should just brush if we had it, but I have to do is packing the cheese in the fridge as tightly as possible.

I thought to myself, stupid that I didn’t think of it. Although the cheese doesn’t smell at all, but in addition there are different perceptions. So, we lived next to each other, without real conversations, art in me, and also it was this feeling: ‘I hope I’m not wrong’.

One day, I had hung my Laundry in my room, because I need because of my musical instrument, a little bit of moisture in the room, she said to me: ‘You can’t hang your Laundry in the hallway!’ I explained to her the Situation, but thought: ‘Very graciously, that I may!’

the next Time I was in the kitchen to make me dinner, because she said to me that my espresso pot is very dangerous for the stove, because they cause stresses in the plate, and then broken it could go. She advised me to buy a new device that can be connected separately.

You have shared sorrow? Silja Götz living communities are great, the only thing Annoying are the roommate. Empty your Nutella glass , have loud Sex and louder music systems. Or crying in your room is neighboring all the time and depressed? are you Yelling at all? In the case of WG-grief , an education researcher Sabine Stiehler helps. Send us your questions, Concerns, problems to wg-kummer@unispiegel.de. With a submission, you agree with an anonymous publication on SPIEGEL ONLINE, and all the other media of the SPIEGEL group is in agreement.

This is the point, to me the WG to disturb the Situation really began was, at the same time I was annoyed about myself, that I wanted to make my roommate all right. Your way, to me these things to tell, gave me the feeling that she was doing me a Favor that I could stay with her. In addition, they gave the impression to want to educate me, a little smug and know-it-all stubborn.

I try to avoid any contact, so I now go mostly for the food into the room. The other day I forgot this escape, a hot plate (on low temperature). Then my roommate came up to me and started again with small talk. I was taken aback by the sudden contact, then it came: ‘? You know, forget the stove.’

p-Oh> I, honestly shocked: ‘really? Well, I’m sorry!’ You: ‘This is not a Problem, it can happen! Look: If the button is so, then you know it is safe!’ By their nature, to talk with me, I felt put me back in the Kindergarten and then left the kitchen.

I feel in this WG-Situation is actually stupid, patronized and concentrated, at the same time, the Situation has me very much in everyday life.

I was looking for the conversation? I’m the Problem?”

*the Name has been changed

To the Person, Amac Garbe Sabine Stiehler relieves the WG-grief of MIRROR ONLINE readers. Stiehler is a PhD Professor of education and directs the psycho-social advice centre at the Studentenwerk Dresden.

Sabine Stiehler answers:

“Dear Jan,

your roommate is just a grown-up. She has learned in her parents ‘ house to do things in a special way, and the situation is in the new living, probably, still very insecure and scared. It gives her security, if she is doing everything to continue like their parents. So she calmed down.

her roommate, the instructions says not evil, on the contrary, she is very correct and wants to help. You take what she says to you, personally. You draw from your life experience and be a sovereign.

Also, if your roommate tells you that you can hang your Laundry in the corridor, they step on you. You don’t want to provoke you.

More the help of the WG-therapist

Alina’s roommate talk constantly and openly about yourself, your Childhood and all the others. Alina wants to rest, as you can make the other clear?

Ariana-founded with her colleague, a WG, but found that she is not a WG-type. Now she wants to move in with her boyfriend. How can you say it to your roommate?

Janina has to fear for their roommate, who suffers from mental health problems. Because you might harm himself, dares to Janina, to leave the WG. What can you do?

Carina lives with six men in a WG. As you ask your roommate in order to catch them to bully you. How can you fight back?

Sarah’s roommate is unemployed and hangs out all day in the apartment – as well as his girlfriend. Sarah is totally annoyed. What can you do?

Jacob’s roommate screams in the night, open the door, forgets to switch off the oven and she has an eating disorder. Can Jacob help her?

Lena is new in town and moves into a WG. Roommate Ben is doing a lot with her. But when Lena comes together with a friend of Ben, the problems start. What can he do?

“it’s Only Twitter, then violence”: Jojo has parakeets, four shaft. His roommate and bustle of the birds in the madness. His frustration has been omitted from this only at the cage, then at the living room door – and now?

“My roommate steals food – can I install a camera?”: Since then, the new roommate is drawn in the WG, disappearance of food – and nobody wants to do it. Arabella excites the most. You are now considering to monitor the kitchen. A good idea?

“it’d be like living with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde”: The friendship seems to be at the end. Anne and her roommate can’t. What can you do to Anne?

“My roommate want my girlfriend dressing”: Jonas’ new girlfriend is sleeping almost every night with him in the WG. Now his roommate wants you to regularly clean the bathroom. You must?

“He invites people he barely knows”: Sabina don’t want your roommate to visit is located, if it is gone. But you can ban him?

“My room neighboring the plague is for me”: He tramples across the hall, the doors and sleep with the faucet running. Catherine endures your neighbors in the Dorm. What can you do?

“Our roommate is drinking too much”: Hans has integrated well into the WG, then he pulls back suddenly, drinking a lot of alcohol and complains to the landlord about the other roommate. What should you do?

But if you take your comments, but personally, you need to have a talk with her. Make the but not directly after a comment. You speak in a quiet Minute with her, otherwise they may react irritated and say something to her, sorry to you then maybe.

inform her that you have the feeling, you would be correct. To speak calmly, that you feel like a kindergarten child treated.

But most important: don’t Let their comments from the Reserve curls. Some people are just like that. They don’t realize that they hurt others with special Instructions. And you don’t want to hurt the other.

you can Develop a personal Mantra. You say to yourself internally: ‘I will not be provoked.'”